Media or executive? He was never IN the government, but he did consult Trump…
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Media for sure
Don’t bring a pillow to a slap fight.
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Updating…
HOUSE (13 of 16)
Matt Gaetz
Lauren Boebert
Jim “Gym” Jordan
Kevin McCarthy
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Andy Biggs
George Santos
Louie Gohmert
Ryan Zinke
Paul Gosar
Dan Crenshaw
Elise Stefanik
Nancy Mace
SENATE (13 of 16)
Kyrsten Sinema
Ted Cruz
Rick Scott
Mitch McConnell
Susan Collins
Dr. Oz Mehmet
Herschel Walker
Rand Paul
Josh Hawley
JD Vance
Lindsey Graham
Joe Manchin
Ron Johnson
EXECUTIVE/JUDICIAL (13 of 16)
Brett Kavanaugh
Clarence Thomas
Stephen Bryer
John Roberts
Stephen Miller
Samuel Alito
Rudy Giuliani
Jared Kushner
Ron DeSantis
Brian Kemp
Ken Paxton
Steve Bannon
Merrick Garland
MEDIA (16 of 16)
Tucker Carlson
Alex Jones
Kellyanne Conway
Rick Santorum
Scott Baio
Clay Travis
Glenn Greenwald
Ben Shapiro
Nick Fuentes
Charlie Kirk
Chuck Todd
Rush Limbaugh
Kyle Rittenhouse
Elon Musk
Mark Zuckerberg
Mike Lindell
Just going to throw some names out there for the categories we haven’t filled out:
Senate: Cal Cunningham, who couldn’t keep it in his pants for one campaign and got caught cheating on his wife, sinking Dem hopes at flipping a North Carolina senate seat. Blake Masters, creepy as fuck. Claire McCaskill, it’s more of a media pick, but you can flip an egg timer when she starts talking and before it runs out I’ll be shouting “Oh shut the fuck up!” at the television. She’s a former senator and we are having trouble getting to 16.
House: Henry Cuellar for basically being a Republican in a safe blue seat, Jeff Van Drew for running as a Dem and switching parties over Trump’s impeachment,
Executive: Steven Mnuchin, Bill Barr. Perhaps Preet Bharara as the proverbial face of the “trust the law and the system” lawbros?
I believe that would get us to 16 in each, if anyone wants to try to bump anyone and put the selection committee in a jam, I’ll wait a while before starting to seed our field!
This made me think of Chris Christie, who could also go in multiple categories.
More valid than Oz or Herschel imo.
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I smell a Play-In Game!
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Kennedy of Louisiana is a good Senate pick.
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Newt Gingrich somewhere?
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I guess Media at this point?
Alright, our field is taking shape. Now it’s time to seed these assholes. The Selection Committee has decided that due to an overcrowded Media region and Kyle Rittenhouse declaring intent to run for the House in the future, he goes in the House region. Plus he’s gotta love the new lack of metal detectors in the House.
There will be four play-in games, which coincidentally is exactly how March Madness does it. I propose that the two former senators meet in a play-in game, just because that seems fitting. So should the two losers. So we’ll have Oz against Walker in a high powered play-in game, and McCaskill against Inhofe. Now that doesn’t mean they have to be 15/16 seeds. Oz and Walker have some firepower here in the opinion of the committee. They’ll battle for a reasonable seed. Cal Cunningham should have to have a play-in game, but he’s a cheater, so he skips right to the dance.
Executive and Media I’m thinking we just do a 16v16 play-in.
I took a crack at the seedings, let me know if you think anyone is way off. I tried to factor in assholishness, timeliness of said assholishness, amount of power behind said assholishness, and whatever the slappable version of je ne sais quoi is. Also let me know if you think there’s a more plucky name to be the 12 seeds, we could move someone up or down a line or two in the interest of trying to give our tournament a chance at those classic 12/5 upsets.
HOUSE (16 of 16)
1 - Matt Gaetz
2 - Jim “Gym” Jordan
3 - Marjorie Taylor Greene
4 - Lauren Boebert
5 - Kyle Rittenhouse
6 - George Santos
7 - Paul Gosar
8 - Nancy Mace
9 - Kevin McCarthy
10 - Louie Gohmert
11 - Elise Stefanik
12 - Andy Biggs
13 - Ryan Zinke
14 - Henry Cuellar
15 - Dan Crenshaw
16 - Jeff Van Drew
SENATE (18 of 16)
1 - Ted Cruz
2 - Kyrsten Sinema
3 - Mitch McConnell
4 - Joe Manchin
5 - Rick Scott
6 - Susan Collins
7 - Josh Hawley
8 - Rand Paul
9 - JD Vance
10 - PLAY-IN: Dr. Mehmet Oz vs. “Sherriff” Herschel Walker
11 - Ron Johnson
12 - Lindsey Graham
13 - Blake Masters
14 - John Kennedy
15 - Cal Cunningham
16 - PLAY-IN: Claire McCaskill vs. Jim Inhofe
EXECUTIVE/JUDICIAL (17 of 16)
1 - Brett Kavanaugh
2 - Ron DeSantis
3 - Rudy Giuliani
4 - Steven Mnuchin
5 - Merrick Garland
6 - Samuel Alito
7 - Stephen Miller
8 - John Roberts
9 - Stephen Breyer
10 - Bill Barr
11 - Clarence Thomas
12 - Steve Bannon
13 - Jared Kushner
14 - Noel Francisco
15 - Ken Paxton
16 - PLAY-IN GAME: Preet Bharara vs. Brian Kemp
MEDIA (17 of 16)
1 - Tucker Carlson
2 - Alex Jones
3 - Ben Shapiro
4 - Elon Musk
5 - Glenn Greenwald
6 - Clay Travis
7 - Nick Fuentes
8 - Charlie Kirk
9 - Newt Gingrich
10 - Mike Lindell
11 - Chuck Todd
12 - Mark Zuckerberg
13 - Kellyanne Conway
14 - Rick Santorum
15 - Scott Baio
16 - PLAY-IN GAME: Rush Limbaugh vs. Chris Christie
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George Santos doesn’t necessarily have the political body of work of some of these others, but man he’s coming into this tournament on a HOT STREAK of assholishness. If we keep him on the 6-line, Marj might have her hands full in the second round.
We could put him into the Media field, who do we take out? I mean we could take Limbaugh out for still being dead.
Hard to slap a corpse. Would require graverobbing.
I dunno, there’s so much hot air in that motherfucker he might be bubbling up at the surface. But yeah, I think we can rule Rush out in favor of the living.
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Gotta play for GenZ eyeballs!